(by Doctor Dick)
Whether U live in liberal California where inter species dating is common or visiting Minnesota where eroticism is imported only during the summer, UR sure to run across someone who has dated a gerbil... like actor Richard Gere.
Richard (or "the dickster" to his amigos) ended up in the hospital ER due to his NOT following these simple protocols: his string broke!
Many who have walked past a pet shop and felt a strange arousal at the site of a gerbil in the window have felt guilty for it and have gone home never to know the pleasures of a human/gerbil relationship.
However once U have mastered Gerbil dating U will thank the Gerbil God for directing you to read this:
First, after purchase allow the Gerbil to spend some private time alone while he (or she) makes themself more attractive for you. Simply provide everything your Gerbil needs to look attractive. Get these items when you make your Gerbil purchase.
Why not bring your Gerbil a little gift... like a Wyn wheel... show your Gerbil U care.
Take it to a seed shop for dinner.
Later that night, home alone with your Gerbil... show it your snake... blow marijuana smoke in its face and poor alcohol down its gullet... when your G is feeling really good quickly anesthetize it. De fang, dewclaw, and de-fur it
(de-furring is optional).
Very Important: Tie a string around its little neck. Make sure the string is strong & tight... so you don't lose a good friend.
Now liberally cover Mr. G with KY jelly and place him in the ice box until frozen... hard.
Guess where the Gerbil will wake up!
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