Caddyshack

(Movie Recommendation)

Caddyshack (1980) is the perfect classic comedy for you to enjoy while getting drunk this New Years Eve. Where to start..

Of course the movie is centered on a ritzy country club and it's golf club. The story is about a young guy who "thinks" he got his girlfriend pregnant and his goal to play big time golf instead of just caddying. But who cares about the plot-- I sure don't and you shouldn't either. What you should care about is the star-studded cast and their hilarious roles.

We've got the snobby rich club member played by Ted Knight clashing with the fun-loving, gregarious Rodney Dangerfield. Chevy Chase is a sort of eccentric pro caliber golfer who pops up throughout the movie. And then there is the grounds keeper played by Bill Murray. Bill Murray just has one classic scene after another from practicing his swing on flowers, washing golf balls while staring at ladies, detoxifying an entire pool only to find a Babe Ruth Bar (which he proceeds to eat), and then there's blowing up the entire golf course while trying to kill some gofers.

Pick up your glass of champagne, toast your beloved companion, and focus your attention on Caddyshack. Watching the New Years' Eve ball drop is way overrated.

Animated Lucy in the Sky With Diamonds Video

(Animated Music Video)

Back in my younger days I created a computer animation to go to the Beatles' song, "Lucy in the Sky With Diamonds. Of course I lost that video long ago, but my creativity could not be denied so I now bring to you my newly updated computer animated music video of Beatles' song Lucy in the Sky With Diamonds.




Classics Gold Classic Music YouTube Songs

Which Box Contains the Prize?

(Logic problem)

Suppose I  put a prize in one of three boxes. You choose a box and then I must open one of the two boxes you did not choose to prove it is empty. Now, is the prize more likely to be in the box you originally chose or in the unopened box you didn't choose?

Answer: The prize is far more likely to be in the unopened box you did not choose. There is a one in three chance that you chose the box with the prize at the beginning. My showing you another box without it doesn't change those odds. Therefore there is a two out of three chance that the prize is in the unopened box you didn't choose.

Forniculture

(word play)


Watch out for those dirty plants:


Careful not to mix the dick weed with the pussy willows, or you'll get a whole lot of CUM-quat!!


Copied from the Urban Dictionary.

Don’t be a puppet to the world

(Thoughtful Messages by Gregg Hoops on Face Book and MySpace)

Don’t be a puppet to the world, be a leader to yourself and an example to others surrounding you.

So lost in the moment that everything around you is a blur of confusion and the sounds you hear are cluttered and almost completely muted.

Preoccupying your time with the thoughts and dreams of a life you have yet to live or find, so you mingle though your days dwelling on a future you seemingly tell yourself you will never discover.

Comfortably numb to the life you are living today yet searching for a reason to escape. The strings that bind you cannot be severed do to the fear you have of your own failure or rejection of a new beginning.

We often find ourselves staying in situations that keep us from ever moving forward and not allowing ourselves that opportunity to excel forward into a better life that we know in our heart we deserve.

Most often of times the fear of failure and rejection is too overwhelming so we hold ourselves in the place we are, never allowing ourselves to take the next step to finding utter happiness. We settle our whole lives in the realization that if I stay in this place I will be ok, but knowing you will always live with regrets because we could of done so many things different that would of allowed us better opportunities and a brighter future maybe even a life we could not of ever dreamt about.

My answer to this is that I live my life each day knowing that I am the only person that can make decisions for me. I alone can only walk in my own footsteps. I am the only person that can take the first step in making my life different then it is today. I alone am the only person that can change me.

I know what makes me happy. I know what it is that I deserve. I know what my expectations are and I know what my dreams could lead me to.

The big question we are all faced with now is, how does one make it all possible?

One day at a time.

Make one decision at a time.

Make one goal at a time.

When you achieve a goal, the feeling is amazing. It lifts your spirits and drives you toward bigger and better goals in your life.

Goals can be the simplest of things are the largest thing you can imagine.

My advice to you is this; make your goals reasonable to your own lifestyle. If you can’t see it ever being accomplished then step back and rethink of ways to achieve your goals. Always remember that the goals that you set are goals for yourself. Never let anyone take the checkered flag from you when you reach your goal and most often of time we need to keep our goals to ourselves so that others cannot interfere with them.

If you fail the first time do not become frustrated, pick yourself up, brush off the dust and start over.

As with most things in life setting goals takes work. Motivation is the key to your success, and determination. Keep yourself focused on what it is that you want to achieve and don’t look back.

I wish all my friends the best of luck in all of your achievements and encourage you to make a new goal as we are now facing a new year upon us.

A fresh start in a new life of greater challenges.

Blessings to all of you and always a smile of encouragement. Pass them on because they are beautifully contagious and the world as we know it today deserves more of them.

xxx

Animal House

Animal House (1978) by National Lampoon and starring John Belushi was one of those great fun filled college humor comedies that comes along once in a lifetime. The college pranks and humor will keep you entertained throughout this great college romp. John Belushi's career was ended way too short so I recommend you watch this flick many times! Enjoy.

James Bond Theme Songs

(Music)

Not only do the James Bond movies feature a lot of beautiful women with sexual sounding names, but they also feature some of my favorite songs.

Click here to listen to the James Bond Theme Songs on YouTube.

Visit Classics Gold for more free albums on YouTube.

Or just enjoy the James Bond 007 theme song from Dr. No.

James Bond Girls

(Sexual Names)

Anyone who knows James Bond knows James Bond girls. They are all super important, hotter than el scorcho taco sauce, and they all fall for 007. Many of them seem to have provocative names to compliment their sexy looks.

I bet Dr. Holly Goodhead sucks one mean blow pop.
Would Fatima Blush if she exposed herself to The Man with the Golden Gun?
I'm sure 007 enjoyed saddling up on Honey Ryder and maybe licking some of her sweet nectar.
Could Jenny Flex manage all the positions in the Kama Sutra?
I bet James performed more than a little lip service on Kissy Suzuki.
You think Mr. Bond and Mary Goodnight had a very, very good night or what?
I'm not sure what James did with Octopussy, surely our hero doesn't have eight...
Needless to say our leading lady from Diamonds are Forever got Plenty O' Toole.
I can assure you our leading man wasn't thinking about cats when he met Pussy Galore.
How long do you think it was before James investigated Sylvia's Trench?
I'm guessing Xenia Zaragevna prefers it when she is Onatopp.

There is a Peace

(Thoughtful Messages by Gregg Hoops on Face Book and MySpace)

There is a peace I have come to know. I guess in a way it has always been there I have just not opened my eyes wide enough to see it clearly.

I sit here in silence as I watch the time pass in front of me. The sand from the hourglass becomes heavier and heavier as I become ready to rest.

They say ashes to ashes and dust to dust. Where on earth will mine remain? Will I drift from sea to sea? Will I sit high upon a mountain top of some unknown place?

Is this even for me to know where my final destination place lies?

I am not skilled to understand. What is my will? What is my purpose?

Does there come a time in a man’s life when reality slaps him to a conclusion?

If I leave me place on high and travel to the valley below, will I become engulfed in the atmosphere of its deception?

I feel a passion growing within my inner being.

I don’t know why you are always calling upon me.

I turn off the ringer and your voice speaks to me in my head.

Spoken words and broken meanings racing within a never ending circle.

Is this a game or am I confused by its whole meaning.

I will count this life as a tax write off.

Cold hearted fool.

Desperation for a success, or peace of mind.

I will count my cards I have dealt to me and gamble a seven fold upon your guidance.

Tonight will be my night and I will shine like never before.

Always faithful to a path of least resistance, yet grateful to the thickest of woods in which you hide away your darkest of fears.

Never once have you trusted in me completely

Yet you always run into my arms for shelter and protection.

What do you believe?

Is this life a mystery and if so then why are we so clueless trying to piece together this puzzle of life?

Leave me be, let me live alone.

Allow me to grow without tainted words thrown upon me. Desperate for happiness we fall victim of criticism and blame.

The time is now and the path is clear!

A new day is risen and the sun becomes brighter than ever before.

Guidance is within one’s own eyes.

You and only you have the answers to the choices of your own destiny.

Make them wisely. 

The Kentucky Fried Movie

(Movie Recommendation)

The Kentucky Fried Movie (1977) might not be a classic, but it does have some pretty darn funny sketches. This is rated R and you can expect a good dose of adult type humor and boobs. Grab some popcorn, hopefully that no one has peed on, and enjoy another fun and funny movie.

Beatles Red Album

Last week we featured the Beatles Blue Album so I think it is only appropriate to present the Beatles Red Album (1962-1966) this week.

Click here to listen to the Beatles Red Album on YouTube.

Visit Classics Gold for more free albums on YouTube.

Or just enjoy one of my favorites below, Yesterday.

What's the Difference?

(Math Problem)

Mathematically, what's the difference between 3 feet square and 3 square feet?

Answer: Six square feet. A three foot square has a total of 3 times 3 square feet. So, 9 square feet - 3 square feet = a difference of six square feet.

My Book Collection

(Word Play)

I love reading books, but they are so confusing. One book is about the oddest information, it's really quite novel. Then there's this book about some spies trying to do something, it's a mystery to me. I spilled my pasta dinner on one of my book about New Mexico, does that make it a spaghetti western? Another book of mine is so poorly made that pages fall out every time I try to read it, it's a real horror story. If there were just a normal book I could read, now that would be my fantasy.

Am I Falling?

(Thoughtful Messages by Gregg Hoops on Face Book and MySpace)

I wake up shaken, my eyes are full of tears and my mind is spinning like a top on the edge of a mountain ready to fall to the bottom.

As the clouds open up the sun then pierces thru with its warmth. I feel its glow upon my face. My tears begin to dry and my mind becomes settled.

From a distance I see the tail end of a rainbow I stand there in awe with the sight of its brilliant brightness and colour. As the droplets slowly dissolve from the leaves dripping before me a new day has broken and for now the nightmares are over.

You know me yet you know so little of me.

We learn from each other daily, yet we know not enough so we become spellbound by our communication. Our relationship strengthens as if nothing could pull it apart, yet I sit here in wonders if it is real or of make believe.

What holds me in the place I am or what pulls me back a step or two so I can see it, but from a distance where I feel safe in my own space?

The unknowing! The trust! The past! It seems your minds in a whirl yet your heart ever so wants to lavish itself in emotion and rapid pulsations.

Your mouth wants so dearly to speak words of eternity, a peace that allows unity and happiness.

Never wanting to miss a second of our time together, yet forcefully stepping away with reasons to preoccupy once self in thought.

Gun shy you ask? Possibly!

Wishing you could go back in time and then things could be different.

Sailing through the clouds like a ship not known to men, so fast so free yet the feeling, is it replaceable?

Nobody in this world could have ever hurt me like you have. You took me to places I have never been to before. Secrets we shared only god ever knew of. The time, the reasons, the plans, all is gone in one stumble and what seems to be a never ending fall.

 Free falling from the heavens above. Nothing around to catch me I’m only one and once again on my own.

I now face the scariest of fears. How to tear down the wall that has been built so high I defend? How to find the key that’s unlocks the morsel of goodness tucked away in a place I swore I would never return to. Holding on to a person I never wanted to become again for fear of failure.

As I walk beside you there stands a glass wall between us. Do I hide my heart? Should I chance breaking the glass knowing that I could fall once again? Do I continue to live in the nightmares of my past and a place I once knew as comfort?

I can close my eyes and see everything the way I wish so dearly that it can become. I can open them and again see the reality that stands before me in full color. For some reason my hesitations never truly release the real nightmare that haunts me night and day.

I now stand before you, I feel as if i am standing before God in my own nakedness. You see me yet you look to me as if I am a stranger.  Who am I? face to face, nothing to hide nothing to lose and surely nothing to fear? Yet the fear is not seen on the outside its hidden within walls of the thickest concrete. Reinforced with pain and suffering from so much hurt from a past that was not yours.

Your infatuation came from my words and dreams. My song lifted you to a place you yearned so eagerly for.  A smile here and a picture or two there but in reality we stand speechless.

Now standing before you is the man you loved. Beside you is the one you told your secrets often to and through your eyes all I see is confusion maybe doubt?

Funny it is how you’re faced with this feeling.

Places you took me like none I have ever been before.

Yet as the sun burns the clouds of darkness away I stand and welcome the new day upon me, knowing that for now the nightmares are over. I feel its glow upon my face. My tears begin to dry and my mind becomes settled. I pull myself together and move forward as if the reality of my inner suffering was never there from the beginning. As this new day shines upon me my thoughts restlessly search for all of the answers I seek.

My friends each day that pass’s at anytime we could fall. Some of us fall faster then we may even realize that we do. Some reasons differ from others but in reality were all simply looking for the same things in life and one of the most important is happiness.

If you’re not happy your partner is not happy either.

Be honest, be bold, be courageous, but most of all is being careful.

If it doesn’t feel right back away from it for a bit and rethink what you want in your life. Make sure you cross your t’s and dot your I’s. Remember the most important thing of all relationships, is that it’s your life, live it how you want to live and settle for nothing less than that. Shine bright as the stars you wish upon and live your dreams because there yours!

When holding onto your past you then limit your judgment on the future, you never truly allow yourself to move forward into a new place and time.

Be well my dear friends and live life as if today was the last day you had the chance to. Love like you have never loved before and laugh as if it has utterly consumed you.

Peace to all of you xxx

The Jerk

(Movie recommendation)

The Jerk (1979) is a classic comedy that I bet a bunch of people missed. The movie pretty much showcases actor/comedian Steve Martin. If you're a Steve Martin fan, and you really should be, you'll love The Jerk. I recommend you locate this comedy classic and enjoy yourself for an hour or two of Steve Martin comedy.

Beatles Blue Album

The good news is that itunes now has the Beatles collection. I don't know if any other band has been so prolific. More important, a huge number of the Beatles' songs are classics. I pretty much love every song on the Beatles Blue Album (1967-1970).

Click here to listen to the entire Beatles Blue Album on YouTube.

Visit Classics Gold for more free albums on YouTube.

Or just enjoy one of my favorites below, Lucy in the Sky With Diamonds.

Three Philosophers

(Logic Puzzle)

Three philosophers take an afternoon nap out in the countryside. A fool happens by and for amusement draws an X on all of the philosophers foreheads. When the philosophers wake up, they all start laughing at each other for having marks on their heads. It doesn't take long for one of the men to stop laughing. How did the man deduce that he also had a mark on his head?

Hint: A philosopher wouldn't laugh if he knew he had a mark. The philosophers are laughing because each thinks the other two must be laughing at each other.
Answer: Call the men A, B and C. A assumes he has no mark and B and C are laughing at each other. If that were the case then B and C would realize very quickly that they are laughing at each other's mark and they'd stop laughing. Since B and C are still laughing, A can surmise that he must have a mark.

Gingivitis versus Vaginitis

(Similar words)

Just because words sound similar doesn't mean they are. The word gingivitis sounds a lot like vaginitis to me. Gingivitis is inflammation of the gums while vaginitis is inflammation of a certain female bodily orifice. You've got to wonder what would happen if a guy with gingivitis went down on a woman with vaginitis. That'd be a lot of swollen lips in one place at one time, wouldn't it?

Your picture although a wonderful memory can never replace your presence

(Thoughtful Messages by Gregg Hoops on Face Book and MySpace)

"Consumed by your angelic beauty, each day that passes

 I look at your picture and with my finger I trace your precious face

Wishing you could be here with me.

 I caress the lines of your cheeks and follow them to your chin.

I outline the beauty of your lips and the tenderness they have within.

 I trace your nose and the exquisite perfection it adds to your smile.

When I look into your eyes my time in endless, and I hold on to that feeling awhile

The beauty I see is angelic and the intense emotions it reflects

 Becomes mesmerizing to me and I fall into a deep trance of want and desire to be closer to you.

Your hair is of the most priceless of silk as it flows gently down to your softened shoulders,

The smoothness that mirrors from your neck releases emotions of lustful desires that would be lavished with gentle kisses and soft nibbles, heated in passion and embrace.

Missing you is the hardest emotion I have faced, allowing a love for you to strengthen beyond words.

I hold onto your picture with the desire to have you in my arms, hurry home to me my dearest love. For this picture although has filled a gap, will never replace the absolute feeling I have with you beside me."

Young Frankenstein

(Movie Recommendation)


Young Frankenstein (1974) is a hilarious take on Frankenstein created by Mel Brooks and starring Gene Wilder. The movie is only mildly scary at most, but hugely funny at least. Lie your body down, hook up the electrodes and get busy watching some Young Frankenstein.

ABBA

ABBA was the hugely popular Swedish band from the 1970s consisting of two guys and two women (apparently they were married couples for a while). Their songs have been featured recently in the musical/movie Mamma Mia.

Check out some ABBA songs here.

Check out more great music at ClassicsGold.

Fork in the Road

(Logic Problem)

You stand at a fork in the road. One road leads to Heaven while the other leads to Hell. There is a man standing at the fork, but he will only answer one question. Furthermore, the man is known to have a twin brother. One of the brothers always tells the truth, but the other twin always lies. What question will you ask to decide which road to follow?

Hint: Use the word brother in your question.
Answer: Ask, "Which road would your brother say leads to heaven?" and then follow the other path.

The Letter of the Law

(Word Play)

A gentleman endowed with an unusually long proboscis entered Thelma's market and proceeded to sniff her passion fruit and then began to rub it with his epidermis. Thelma was flattered by the man's interest in her goods so she engaged him in some social intercourse over musk melons. An officer felt the public display of affection (PDA) was inappropriate. The poor gentleman said he just wanted to find something juicy to suck on, but there was no way to avoid the penal code.

The Little Black Book

(Thoughtful Messages by Gregg Hoops on Face Book and MySpace)

Have you had a little black book?

Now days it's most likely just a list in your cell phone of names and numbers of men or ladies in your life you can call to allow you to fulfill a need you are missing to surpass your urge, your frustration or loneliness.

When a person moves forward in one’s life we often have to leave things of our past behind allowing us total attention to what lies ahead of us instead of what we can run back too.

If you hold on to your little black book it will eventually become a crutch holding you back from life’s progression of complete and utter happiness.

Do you feel that if you are in a relationship with someone it is fair to hold on to your book?

Is it fair to the person you are with not to know that you have the opportunity within your reach to ruin everything you have worked for in this relationship?

Would you allow your partner to carry their black book around with them?

Is it fair to the people on your list to hold onto them so tightly that they cannot move forward in their lives knowing that the possibility is always there that you may still call them?

Trust is a factor in relationships that cannot be broken. If the trust is broken the relationship becomes tainted. Doubt remains the key that most often causes weakness in the seemingly strongest bond between a man and a woman.

If you want to be trusted unconditionally then you yourself need to learn how to trust unconditionally.

Friends of the opposite sex in most relationships are often confusing and more often cause jealousy.

Why would you want jealousy to be a factor in your relationship?

Love is blinded by many things, once the eyelids of love are opened wide many other factors come into to play, again leaving some couples confused and frustrated to its true meaning.

When Doubt surfaces we tend to seek outside advice concerning our relationships instead of facing your partner with the issue at hand.

Although outside help is not always a bad idea and can be very helpful, we tend to take opinions of others instead of what your relationships true needs are.

Talk to the one you love. Tell them your secrets and allow the trust to build a bond that nothing can break no matter what you are faced with.

Together your bond is strong and you as a couple are the only ones that can keep that bond from breaking.

Team work is always the key to success.

So next time you’re looking through your little black book ask yourself if it is really what you need in your life and how your other half would feel if they found out you still kept those names and numbers.

Be honest with yourself and most of all be honest with the one you say you love.

After all it's only the right thing to do, and if you cannot be honest with them then love them enough to let them go find someone that will be, because after all doesn't everyone deserve that chance?

Rope Around The World

(Amazing Math)

Suppose I take a red piece of rope and I put in on the ground to form a circle. Now, if I take a green rope that is about six feet longer than the first and place it on the ground it will form a circle about one foot wider.

It isn't hard to imagine that a small circle will grow by a foot, but the bizarre fact is that ANY circle will grow an entire foot wider for each additional six feet in length. This means that if a rope is tied around the Earth's Equator,  adding a jumping rope to it will cause the entire rope to lift an whole foot above the ground!

Proof.
The "trick" here is that the radius has a direct relationship to the circumference. The mathematical equation is c=2*pi*r. pi is 3.14, so we get c=6.28 * r. Increase a circle's circumference by 6.28 and its radius increases by 1.

The Blues Brothers Movie

(Movie Recommendation)

I hope listening to some of those rockin' songs on the Blues Brothers Soundtrack has got your fingers tappin' and your booty shakin'.

You've heard the awesome songs, now check out the awesome comedy Blues Brothers (1980) starring Dan Aykroyd and John Belushi. Jake and Elwood must overcome all kinds of obstacles to reunite their rock blues band and hold a huge concert to raise money to save a church. This comedy adventure has one of the best car chases of all time. Turn the movie on, crank up the volume, and sit back for a guaranteed great time. If you can't stand to let the fun end, you can also enjoy Blues Brothers 2000.

The Blues Brothers Soundtrack

Today we have a little music from:

The Blues Brothers Soundtrack

"She Caught the Katy" (Taj Mahal, Rachell) – 4:10

• The Blues Brothers with lead vocals by Jake Blues

"Peter Gunn Theme" (Mancini) – 3:46

• The Blues Brothers Band

"Gimme Some Lovin'" (S. Winwood, M. Winwood, Davis) – 3:06

• The Blues Brothers with Jake Blues, lead vocals

"Shake a Tail Feather" (Otis Hayes, Andre Williams, Verlie Rice) – 2:48

• Ray Charles with the Blues Brothers (Jake and Elwood, backing vocals)

"Everybody Needs Somebody to Love" (Wexler, Berns, Burke) – 3:21

• The Blues Brothers (Jake Blues, lead vocals; Elwood Blues, harmonica and vocals)

"The Old Landmark" (Brunner) – 2:56

• James Brown and the Rev. James Cleveland Choir (additional choir vocals by Chaka Khan credited in the film)

"Think" (White, Franklin) – 3:13

• Aretha Franklin and the Blues Brothers with backing vocals by Brenda Corbett, Margaret Branch and Carolyn Franklin (real-life sister of Aretha) and Jake and Elwood

"Theme from Rawhide" (Tiomkin) – 2:37

• Elwood and Jake and the Blues Brothers Band

"Minnie the Moocher" (Calloway, Mills) – 3:23

• Cab Calloway with the Blues Brothers Band

"Sweet Home Chicago" (Johnson) – 7:48

• Dedicated to the musician Magic Sam

"Jailhouse Rock" (Leiber, Stoller) – 3:19

• Jake Blues and the Blues Brothers (Over the closing credits in the film, verses are sung by James Brown, Cab Calloway, Ray Charles, Aretha Franklin and "crew".)

Note that various songs will not play in some areas due to copyright laws.

Addicted to Sex

(by fatgirlfetish of A-musings)

I saw that the original blogger nominated this blog for worst blog ever. Larry Flynt on you bitches. First off, besides the fact I love laughing, I don’t know what has convinced me that I am suited to blog about adult topics. If there ever was a person who could make you hit the turn off button faster than you could say trickle down, it was me.  Lately though,  I’ve been thinking about it a lot, because I’ve been trying to get my act together and I’ve been talking to the same guy for a little while, so I’ve got it in my head that I really want to try and be faithful, but I’m just finding that moral character is ruining my sex life. Seriously.  I know they have hospitals and confessionals for people who enjoy coitus, but I can’t be bothered with it. The only people who think their genitals benefit from group therapy are people who don’t like fucking.  As nature would have it, they are outnumbered.  Thank God.  As time goes on, it’s become more apparent that sex has ceased to be an act of love to me (as if it ever was) and has evolved into a temporary quench for boredom. You know that feeling of lingering annoyance you experience when you go to the refrigerator, open it, notice there’s no food just to come back 5 minutes later and stare into the abyss as if food has magically appeared? That’s pretty much my sex life in less than 3 seconds.  I don’t mean to be disruptive about what I want.  Stop talking about your goals, and sit on my dick. We’re in Toledo Christie, there’s not a whole lot to do.  If you were truly talented, you would’ve found yourself an appointment doing secretarial work, but you’re not. That’s why I’m around.

Tran-What???

(Strange Words)


I'll admit, slight variations in words often confuse me. Being a boring, simple heterosexual male, I don't generally deal with much sexual deviation. It seems there are several words that all start with Trans that get me very confused. I'm going to look them up now and see if we can get everything straightened out once and for all!


Tranny- Transvestite or transsexual.


Transvestite- Generally a male who cross-dresses as a female and often takes on female behavior.


Transsexual- A person who is predisposed to identify with the opposite sex, sometimes so strongly as to undergo surgery and hormone injections to effect a change of sex.


Trans-gender- Trans gender is the state of one's "gender identity" (self-identification as woman, man, neither or both) not matching one's "assigned sex" (identification by others as male, female or intersex based on physical/genetic sex). "Transgender" does not imply any specific form of sexual orientation; transgender people may identify as heterosexual, homosexual, bisexual, pansexual, polysexual, or asexual; some may consider conventional sexual orientation labels inadequate or inapplicable to them.


Well, I hope that clears things up for y'all.

After Office Party

(Joke)

After the Office Party

John, woke up after the annual office Christmas party with a pounding headache, cotton-mouthed and utterly unable to recall the events of the preceding evening. After a trip to the bathroom, he made his way downstairs, where his wife put some coffee in front of him. "Louise," he moaned, "tell me what happened last night. Was it as bad as I think?" "Even worse," she said, her voice oozing scorn. "You made a complete ass of yourself. You succeeded in antagonising the entire board of directors and you insulted the president of the company, right to his face." "He's an asshole," John said. "Piss on him." "You did," came the reply. "And he fired you." "Well, screw him!" said John. "I did. You're back at work on Monday.