I wake up shaken, my eyes are full of tears and my mind is spinning like a top on the edge of a mountain ready to fall to the bottom.
As the clouds open up the sun then pierces thru with its warmth. I feel its glow upon my face. My tears begin to dry and my mind becomes settled.
From a distance I see the tail end of a rainbow I stand there in awe with the sight of its brilliant brightness and colour. As the droplets slowly dissolve from the leaves dripping before me a new day has broken and for now the nightmares are over.
You know me yet you know so little of me.
We learn from each other daily, yet we know not enough so we become spellbound by our communication. Our relationship strengthens as if nothing could pull it apart, yet I sit here in wonders if it is real or of make believe.
What holds me in the place I am or what pulls me back a step or two so I can see it, but from a distance where I feel safe in my own space?
The unknowing! The trust! The past! It seems your minds in a whirl yet your heart ever so wants to lavish itself in emotion and rapid pulsations.
Your mouth wants so dearly to speak words of eternity, a peace that allows unity and happiness.
Never wanting to miss a second of our time together, yet forcefully stepping away with reasons to preoccupy once self in thought.
Gun shy you ask? Possibly!
Wishing you could go back in time and then things could be different.
Sailing through the clouds like a ship not known to men, so fast so free yet the feeling, is it replaceable?
Nobody in this world could have ever hurt me like you have. You took me to places I have never been to before. Secrets we shared only god ever knew of. The time, the reasons, the plans, all is gone in one stumble and what seems to be a never ending fall.
Free falling from the heavens above. Nothing around to catch me I’m only one and once again on my own.
I now face the scariest of fears. How to tear down the wall that has been built so high I defend? How to find the key that’s unlocks the morsel of goodness tucked away in a place I swore I would never return to. Holding on to a person I never wanted to become again for fear of failure.
As I walk beside you there stands a glass wall between us. Do I hide my heart? Should I chance breaking the glass knowing that I could fall once again? Do I continue to live in the nightmares of my past and a place I once knew as comfort?
I can close my eyes and see everything the way I wish so dearly that it can become. I can open them and again see the reality that stands before me in full color. For some reason my hesitations never truly release the real nightmare that haunts me night and day.
I now stand before you, I feel as if i am standing before God in my own nakedness. You see me yet you look to me as if I am a stranger. Who am I? face to face, nothing to hide nothing to lose and surely nothing to fear? Yet the fear is not seen on the outside its hidden within walls of the thickest concrete. Reinforced with pain and suffering from so much hurt from a past that was not yours.
Your infatuation came from my words and dreams. My song lifted you to a place you yearned so eagerly for. A smile here and a picture or two there but in reality we stand speechless.
Now standing before you is the man you loved. Beside you is the one you told your secrets often to and through your eyes all I see is confusion maybe doubt?
Funny it is how you’re faced with this feeling.
Places you took me like none I have ever been before.
Yet as the sun burns the clouds of darkness away I stand and welcome the new day upon me, knowing that for now the nightmares are over. I feel its glow upon my face. My tears begin to dry and my mind becomes settled. I pull myself together and move forward as if the reality of my inner suffering was never there from the beginning. As this new day shines upon me my thoughts restlessly search for all of the answers I seek.
My friends each day that pass’s at anytime we could fall. Some of us fall faster then we may even realize that we do. Some reasons differ from others but in reality were all simply looking for the same things in life and one of the most important is happiness.
If you’re not happy your partner is not happy either.
Be honest, be bold, be courageous, but most of all is being careful.
If it doesn’t feel right back away from it for a bit and rethink what you want in your life. Make sure you cross your t’s and dot your I’s. Remember the most important thing of all relationships, is that it’s your life, live it how you want to live and settle for nothing less than that. Shine bright as the stars you wish upon and live your dreams because there yours!
When holding onto your past you then limit your judgment on the future, you never truly allow yourself to move forward into a new place and time.
Be well my dear friends and live life as if today was the last day you had the chance to. Love like you have never loved before and laugh as if it has utterly consumed you.
Peace to all of you xxx
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