The original ploy was to have them rescuing the universe from certain doom, but that’s ordinary behavior for supermodels. They’re always using their powers responsibly, so I decided it would be far more shocking for them to have wicked intentions. It would be a major headline if they were caught terrorizing parentless children in an unclothed manner. If that doesn’t steal your attention, I am pretty confident you have no soul.
Isn’t a scandalous cover far more important than the merit of the book? Let’s say I am offering two articles in the emergency waiting room. One with the above name and another called "A Tutorial on Title Writing.” Except for a few comatose, I’m sure the patients would favor a story about attractive woman displaying public indecency while torturing unfortunate minors. The opposing read appears to be a dull grammar lesson and even though it may have more overall benefit, it could never carry the concentration of a knife wound victim.
Anyway, from this point on there will be nothing further about bare arsenic models. I could hypothetically compose a situation about a rambunctious gang of lingerie models that became intoxicated while skinny dipping in a public fountain and later decided to purchase a canister of lighter fluid at Home Depot, but that concept is ridiculous. Supermodels never have to buy anything.
Nevertheless, the purpose of the title was simply to lure an audience into reading this. My idea was to first capture the attention of readers and then worry about the consequences of providing irrelevant material inside. The hardest part of a sale is getting the customer in the door. Once the prey succumbs to the bait, the advantage swings towards the salesman or in this case, the essayist.
By this point of the juncture, I must consider anyone remaining as comfortably inside the door with your jacket off and feet up or held hostage. Since it’s impossible to reclaim the valuable time lost, you might as well ride this out to the conclusion. Opening this was when things went astray and that can’t be reversed. My advice is to read this off as a loss and recoup your wasted time later by multitasking or driving above the speed limit.
Besides, I suggest making the best out of any circumstance. Spin this into a lesson about not falling for the catchy label. Sometimes things wrapped in shiny package are cosmetically covering an interior decay. Maybe searching for a diamond amongst the rough or giving the ugly duckling a chance to develop can prove more rewarding. And if you have the capability, please remember to donate blood a few times a year, volunteer to help those in need, send your grandmother flowers Mother’s day too, visit the dentist twice a year………..
Wait, wait hold up and let me dismount off my high horse. I wish I could claim that the previous paragraph was sincere and composed from the bottom of my heart. I genuinely want to help make the world a better place and people to be impressed by my nobleness, but alas that was not the intention for this deceit. I am merely a writer who’s is fueling his desire for publicity with exaggerations, lies and moronic morals. Perhaps instead of being a pompous blowhard, I could write honestly about my uneventful day of laundry, a stubbed toe and store brand pretzels, but if an essay is written and nobody ever reads it, was it ever written at all?
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