Sexy Dinner

(Joke)

An Asian businessman is returning home from work one evening and he can not get his mind off sex for some reason. Normally the couple only engages in sex once a month, but tonight will have to be an exception. This guy is feeling hornier than ever before. He needs to get his wife into bed ASAP!

When the businessman arrives home, his wife asks, "What would you like dear?" The husband, unable to control himself any longer says, "Tonight we try something different. We do Number 69!" The wife hesitates for a moment then replies, "Let's see now, number 69.. You want Chicken and Snow Peas tonight?"

Funny Sexy Girls

Okay, someone was kind enough to recommend yet another blog with pictures of sexy ladies including humorous captions. The captions might not all be great, but pictures of attractive ladies-- that never gets old! The blog is named Sexilaffs. Take a peek.

Beverly Hills Cop

(Movie Recommendation)

Beverly Hills Cop (1984) is another comedy classic starring Eddie Murphy. While I'll be the first to admit that Eddie Murphy has performed in his share of clunkers, he has also enjoyed his share of successes. Beverly Hills Cops is one of those successes where everything just worked out right. I think Eddie Murphy was allowed to do a lot of ad-libbing. It is hilarious seeing him talk his way into and out of one situation after another. Go Eddie, go Eddie!!

Evita Musical

(Music)

Evita might be my favorite musical. The storyline is based on the life of Eva Duarte who was born into the lower class society in Argentina. She managed to sleep her way to the top eventually marrying Peron who became Argentina's ruler. Eva's beauty and her program of giving out random donations to the poor made her extremely popular. The country's economy failed as did Eva's health. Evita Peron died in 1952 at the young age of 33 from cancer. She was revered as a savior by many, but scorned by others. Enough about the life and times of Evita Peron. The thing that stands out about this musical is of course-- the music. The music is sensational. Yeah, a movie has been made starring Madonna and I imagine it's plenty good, but why fool around with imitations?

Listen to Evita Broadway Musical.

Check out more great music at ClassicsGold.

School Bus Math

(Logic/Math Problem)

First, I will tell you a short story. You may read it as many times as you like and for as long as you like. Next you will be asked a question which you must answer without going back to the story. Get it? Got it? Good!!


Story: You're driving a yellow school bus. When you start out, the bus is empty, but at the first stop you pick up 5 kids. At the next stop you pick up 3 more children, but one child feels sick and leaves the bus. On the third and final bus stop, 4 kids get on the bus, but 2 children leave. The remaining children are dropped off at school.



Question: Try to answer this question without rereading the story. What is the bus driver's first name?

Answer: So, did you figure out the trick answer yet? The answer is whatever your first name is. The story said you are driving the bus.

Friendly "Warning"

(Advertising Silliness)

I just have to laugh every time I see this erection pill commercial. I don't really remember how it starts. No doubt it says how this pill will make you more of a man and that you'll be ready to love your lady whenever the moment arises. The part that gets me is at the end when they are so kind as to "warn" you that if you happen to get an erection lasting 8 hours or more then "please consult your physician." Right, and please visit the emergency room immediately if our penis pump makes your dong grow over a foot. Oh, and seek medical attention if our hair restoration shampoo causes you to look like a Chia Pet.

Love The Way You Lie

(Thoughtful Messages by Gregg Hoops on Face Book and MySpace)

My mind becomes constructively destructive. . I’m not ok and its killing me

As you lay beside me sleeping, my eyes are wide open and I stare at the ceiling. I have drifted to a place I never wanted to return to and once again I am all alone.

My mind is spinning around in a sequence of figure eights. My dizziness is keeping me from drifting off to the nightmare undoubtedly is building in my subconscious. I am afraid to speak, I’m afraid to feel, I am afraid to show my fear and I fear I have lost.

It feels as if everything I have tried so hard to work toward is crumbling before me once again.

Is this my destiny?

I can’t explain to you what this feeling is like. It is almost like being intoxicated with love and when I wake up i will have to face the sobering reality that it may be over.

I turn and look at you and you’re drifted off into your own dream land. Wishing for myself so helplessly that I could join you and we could both run away from it all and never look back.

Love burns, the flame is often so hot the it scalds all other feelings and one often forgets about your surroundings and the reality of how evil a place we dwell in. nothing on this earth is meant to last forever. Is there anything here for me but greed, pain, and frustration? The hatred builds within me and grows as if it is taking my entire body over.

You say that hatred is ungodly yet, when you look in the mirror the image you see is darkened and blurry.  Again you’re helpless to your surroundings and the fate that awaits you hourly.

My Life is a prison.  Broken stitches in the patterns of a blanket where my destination humbles me in reality, the fabric a tainted color of a rainbow and it’s made of solid wool. The scares I bare from wearing it so long have imprisoned me within its warmth and shelter, dropping it from my shoulders would expose my nakedness to all, and in your eyes I then would be at judgment with all who confronts me.

The blood that flows through my veins becomes thin, dependent upon life’s diversities and expectations.

How strong can one man become before he falls like a giant before the grace of God and admits his is defeated?

Hidden tears and emotions, one never could express even if given half the chance, so you find yourself strolling through each day with the pacification knowing in your heart your doing the right thing even if mere survival is all that keeps you motivated.

I look toward the clock and the hours have drifted as if I had disappeared for some time yet here I was lying beside you aware of my surroundings.

What will tomorrow bring? How will I face you? How will I face myself?

Will everything be the same, or will I somehow be so different?

For now I will close my eyes and face the demons that await me in my dreams, praying that I awake to face the new day that awaits me and the challenges of yet another tomorrow.

xxx

Naked Supermodels Set Fire to Local Orphanage

(by Pete Lopez. Read his blog Road to Absolute Zero.)

The original ploy was to have them rescuing the universe from certain doom, but that’s ordinary behavior for supermodels. They’re always using their powers responsibly, so I decided it would be far more shocking for them to have wicked intentions. It would be a major headline if they were caught terrorizing parentless children in an unclothed manner. If that doesn’t steal your attention, I am pretty confident you have no soul.


Isn’t a scandalous cover far more important than the merit of the book? Let’s say I am offering two articles in the emergency waiting room. One with the above name and another called "A Tutorial on Title Writing.” Except for a few comatose, I’m sure the patients would favor a story about attractive woman displaying public indecency while torturing unfortunate minors. The opposing read appears to be a dull grammar lesson and even though it may have more overall benefit, it could never carry the concentration of a knife wound victim.


Anyway, from this point on there will be nothing further about bare arsenic models. I could hypothetically compose a situation about a rambunctious gang of lingerie models that became intoxicated while skinny dipping in a public fountain and later decided to purchase a canister of lighter fluid at Home Depot, but that concept is ridiculous. Supermodels never have to buy anything.


Nevertheless, the purpose of the title was simply to lure an audience into reading this. My idea was to first capture the attention of readers and then worry about the consequences of providing irrelevant material inside. The hardest part of a sale is getting the customer in the door. Once the prey succumbs to the bait, the advantage swings towards the salesman or in this case, the essayist.


By this point of the juncture, I must consider anyone remaining as comfortably inside the door with your jacket off and feet up or held hostage. Since it’s impossible to reclaim the valuable time lost, you might as well ride this out to the conclusion. Opening this was when things went astray and that can’t be reversed. My advice is to read this off as a loss and recoup your wasted time later by multitasking or driving above the speed limit.


Besides, I suggest making the best out of any circumstance. Spin this into a lesson about not falling for the catchy label. Sometimes things wrapped in shiny package are cosmetically covering an interior decay. Maybe searching for a diamond amongst the rough or giving the ugly duckling a chance to develop can prove more rewarding. And if you have the capability, please remember to donate blood a few times a year, volunteer to help those in need, send your grandmother flowers Mother’s day too, visit the dentist twice a year………..


Wait, wait hold up and let me dismount off my high horse. I wish I could claim that the previous paragraph was sincere and composed from the bottom of my heart. I genuinely want to help make the world a better place and people to be impressed by my nobleness, but alas that was not the intention for this deceit. I am merely a writer who’s is fueling his desire for publicity with exaggerations, lies and moronic morals. Perhaps instead of being a pompous blowhard, I could write honestly about my uneventful day of laundry, a stubbed toe and store brand pretzels, but if an essay is written and nobody ever reads it, was it ever written at all?

Jesus Christ Superstar Movie

(Movie Recommendation)

Well, I've pretty much been focusing on recommending comedies. Since I just posted my music listening recommendation of Jesus Christ Superstar, I figured it would only be appropriate to mention the awesome movie Jesus Christ Superstar (1973) now.

Whether you are religious or not, this is a fantastic movie. The story is of course great, but where the movie really shines is clearly the nonstop great songs. It is time for you to check out this movie if you haven't already seen it. By the end of the movie you might just feel like you're a superstar.

Jesus Christ Superstar Soundtrack

(Music)

Jesus Christ Superstar is a great movie and musical. The music is sensational.

Listen to Jesus Christ Superstar.

Check out more great music at ClassicsGold.

Dirty Hole

(Logic/Math Problem)

Q: How much dirt is in a 5 meter deep cylindrical hole of radius 1 meter?

A: The hole has a volume of 5 pi cubic meters (about 15.7). But, the answer is there is no dirt in the hole. Holes are filled with air, not dirt!

Preown This

(Comic Viewpoint)

Do you remember way back when there used to be scummy used car salesmen? These guys had a reputation for being the slimiest grease balls you could find. The used car salesman wouldn't disclose the problems with the car, they'd use any pressure sales tactic known to mankind, and it's generally believed that they'd lie to their own mothers if it'd help them make a sale.

So, I ask again, what happened to the scummy used car salesmen??

They disappeared because of innovative marketing lingo. There's no such thing as a "used" car any more. Now we have "preowned" cars. Who the heck do marketing geniuses think they are fooling? Are you ready for this quick little lesson fellow consumer.. Preowned = used. There you go, somebody had to let the cat out of the bag. I must say that with full disclosure laws and full warranties, "preowned" car salesmen aren't quite so scummy as they used to be in the olden days.

What will marketers come up with next? Maybe divorced people could call themselves "marriage-experienced".

A Step to a New Beginning

(Thoughtful Messages by Gregg Hoops on Face Book and MySpace)

Take a deep breath and pull yourself together. The pain you have just experienced is now over and this hour is of a new beginning.
Your next step is refreshing and toward a life you never knew existed.

If only you knew all the answers to the simple lessons that life is trying to teach us.

The things of your past will follow and guide you to new decisions you now face. Grasp the past and its teaching’s. Do not allow yourself to make the same wrong choices twice. Be bold and try a new adventure. In reality, what do you have to lose?

If you stumble or if you fall, stand up, brush yourself off and try jumping back on your newest adventure.

We all fall down. We all make mistakes. We all make bad choices.

We are all only human and no one is better or worse than the next person.  If for some reason you think you’re better than the next than look yourself in the mirror and ask yourself what it truly is that makes you better than anyone else. What makes you different than the rest?

We’re all here, stuck in this fish bowl we call home, trying to survive and become happy?

Now, are you any different?

I think not!

Challenge yourself to new ideas. Stop focusing on materialistic things in life and center yourself on realistic.

Your dreams can become the most mind boggling reality if you grasp a hold of them and work towards what it is that you truly want in life.

Keep yourself away from negativity. Center yourself in positive environments and surround life’s happiness with your presence.

Become a leader and not the follower we all seem to fall victim of.

Take control of your life and do not allow others around you to discourage or influence the path you are destined to be upon.

Psalm 1

1 Blessed is the man
       Who walks not in the counsel of the ungodly,
       Nor stands in the path of sinners,
       Nor sits in the seat of the scornful;
  
2 But his delight is in the law of the LORD,
       And in His law he meditates day and night.
  
3 He shall be like a tree.
       Planted by the rivers of water,
       That brings forth its fruit in its season,
       Whose leaf also shall not wither;
       And whatever he does shall prosper
  
4 The ungodly are not so,
       But are like the chaff which the wind drives away.
  
5 Therefore the ungodly shall not stand in the judgment,
       Nor sinners in the congregation of the righteous.

6 For the LORD knows the way of the righteous,
       But the way of the ungodly shall perish.
I think that pretty much sums it all up
Peace to you all and BELIEVE in BETTER thing’s

xxx

Naked Gun

(Movie Recommendation)

The Naked Gun (1988) is another great comedy starring Leslie Nielson chock full of slapstick humor. I can assure you that this film doesn't contain any scantily clad armaments. The title refers to the concept of hypnotizing someone to carry out a crime unknowingly. We all know we can rest assured that all will end well (pretty much) when Nielson is on the case. If you want to see one of the funniest baseball umpiring scenes ever, watch Naked Gun now. It's even better if you watch it while naked.. with a hot babe.. Hold on, scratch those last thoughts, we do want you to watch the movie after all!

Annie Lennox

I love Annie Lennox. Her voice is so beautiful that I just love almost all her songs.

Check out some Annie Lennox songs here.

Check out more great music at ClassicsGold.

Star Trek Joke

(Joke)

Joke I heard many moons ago.

Q: How are the Starship Enterprise and toilet paper similar?

A: They circle Uranus and wipe out Klingons.

Race in the Kitchen

(joke)

Q: A faucet, lettuce and a tomato were in a race...what happened? 

A: The faucet was running, the lettuce was ahead, and the tomato was trying to ketchup!

Will i catch you?

(Thoughtful Messages by Gregg Hoops on Face Book and MySpace)

Will i catch you? Will I ever catch you? Pass up the opportunity to love you the way I wish to love you? Am I mad? Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmm Take a chance, maybe a dare? Will i catch you? will i ever truly catch you?



I wish that you were here right now, lying beside me

Holding on to me and all of our dreams

I wish you were here right now standing beside me

Grasping my hand and seeing what I can see.

I wish you were here right now as I face tomorrow

And an award for what I have done in my past

I wish you were here today when its day of all days

I was just lonesome and needed your touch

Counting the days and then the miles

Just to see my smile

I feel in my heart this feeling of awe

Is that asking too much?



Ladies and gentleman,

Do you ever get lonesome? Do you ever carve a touch? Something tangible and full of life and is it what you really need?

An uneasy feeling that surrounds you, it’s like fire and its burning so bright that it ignites you?

Wow! What an amazing feeling! It shines so bright, that it ignites you!



Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm



That’s a blessed feeling and for some right now it’s the most amazing feeling ever. Some of us have had this feeling others of us have not.

When love hits you it’s like fire crackers in rush hour. Passion engulfs your entire judgment and consumes your life in the most intense way you have ever felt.

Fantasy you say?



Hmmmmmm I beg to differ.



Your eyes the way the twinkle, the dimple upon your cheek

You stand for things in peer belief but with me you are so meek,

I sit and stare in utter wonder as to why it’s me you’ve choose

A simple man from a time way back I think that only god really knows.

I will cherish it I do believe and this for certain will last a while

And every minute you share with me will be a minute we have to smile.

Baby I want you to follow your dreams I want you to sore and know that you have a solid ground when you finally decide to land and know what you want. I want to give you something to believe in and come back to.



Will i catch you?



Will I ever catch you?



Pass up the opportunity to love you the way I wish to love you?

Am I mad?



Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmm



Take a chance, maybe a dare?



As the song sings; you have to chase a dream and one that’s all of your own before it slips away.

I love my friends and I wish of them the happiest of moments life has an offer to you J smiles always xxx