The Creature Within Her

WARNING: This story is rated XXX due to its violence and sexual content. Of course this entire blog has mature content of explicit sexual nature so get the fuck over it. The story really is scary though. I'd recommend covering your eyes. Oh, right, you wouldn't be able to read the story then. I must admit, I'm a little afraid to even start writing the story its so scary. Okay, get ready. Here it comes. I'm going to start now.

There was this young model named Jane. Well, she was actually in her mid thirties and she wasn't ever a model. In fact, she was quite ordinary looking, but you're welcome to imagine that she was a sexy, young model if that'll make the story any more engaging to you.

Jane was quite the overachiever. An undergraduate degree from Harvard followed by an MBA from Stanford catapulted Jane into the upper echelons of the business world. Head of Bear Sterns M&A devision (pre-crash, ahem) and residing in her penthouse in Trump Tower, one might think Jane had it all by the age of 35. One might be wrong.

Jane never had much success dating. Maybe she'd have gotten so far as first base if she'd considered removing the inch long hairs growing from her nose wart. Such was not the case though and Jane had never had a date last over 2 minutes. Unwilling to let life pass her by any longer, the middle-aged, homely virgin booked a vacation to the Bahamas trusting a fine Jamaican man could relieve her unrelenting yearning that could only be filled by what no woman possesses.

Rebuking conventional resorts such as Club Med or Hedonism, Jane soon arrived in a remote Jamaican village. Much to her dismay, the locals showed no sexual interest whatsoever in our comely businesswoman named Jane. Feeling no love, Jane wandered into the jungle and discovered a small secluded lagoon. So secluded that our 35 year old virgin's inhibitions evaporated, clothing vanished, and naked skin soaked up the afternoon sun. It could have been just like Brooke Shields in Blue Lagoon or Bo Derek in 10 except that it was Jane who might be considered plain on a good day. Ordinary might indeed be a compliment in her case.

The penetrating heat lit a burning carnal lust in Jane as she lay in the shallow water. Eyes closed, Jane furiously rubbed her vagina and swollen clitoris driving her body to orgasm after earth shattering orgasm. Jane's exhausted frame floated limply, lifelessly, completely fatigued from her manual self pleasurement entirely unaware of her surroundings. No sooner did her eyes open than a tremendous grizzly bear pounced on her and mauled her head off. I'm sorry, a bear didn't rip her head off. There was a bear, but it bathed and pranced off without incidence. I was afraid you might be getting a little bored waiting for the scary part of the story. Don't worry though, the scary stuff is coming soon. I promise.

Jane returned to New York City sexually relieved but extremely raw in the genital area after a week of frequent visits to her Love Lagoon. Several years had passed and all seemed normal in Jane's life. Completely normal that is, other than her period. Recently she felt much more painful bloating and even could swear there was movement inside her abdomen like a baby pushing. Jane knew this could not be a fetus inside her. She was sadly still 100% virgin. How could she be carrying a baby when she never had intercourse? It was inconceivable that she could be pregnant. Inconceivable or not, Jane could no longer handle the pain that devastated her body more severely with the arrival of every successive monthly period.

So she waited desperately. Then at the peak of her period, when her menstrual flow was its heaviest and the pressure against her pelvis could push no stronger and that tormenting movement in her abdomen wriggled ceaselessly Jane arrived at her gynecologist office. Jane spread her legs open and put her feet in the cold, hard metal stirrups. The nurse applied a generous layer of lube on Jane's exposed vagina. The doctor slid the speculum all the way into Jane's vagina and slowly turning the instrument's single screw. Each turn of the screw opened the tongs spreading the vaginal canal open ever wider until the doctor could see all the way into the farthest depths of the vagina. Maybe I should stop now. I don't think I can take any more. What is the doctor going to find? Is it a baby? Will Jane be all right?

Without warning, the doctor forces tongs deep inside her vagina then grips the tongs tightly securing his target. The doctor pulls on the tongs with as if he's out at sea struggling to reel in a mighty game fish. His face a beet red, eyebrows furrowed, sweat dripping from his chin, the doctor gives a final heave and flies onto his back. A huge gush of blood squirts out of Jane's violated hole and splashes on the floor. The doctor lies in shock, splattered in blood, clenching the forceps for dear life. Jane instantly focuses on the object struggling in the forceps and feints as she realizes a foot long eel has been living inside her for over two years.

Pretty nasty, eh? Yeah, it was all blood from her menstrual flow, but it's still really gross and scary, right? Apparently Jane had pushed an eel larvae deep inside her vagina while pleasuring herself in the Jamaican lagoon years ago. The tiny eel flourished in the warm moist environment. The eel lay dormant most of each month until Jane's period when the eel gorged itself on her bloody waste. Pretty nasty story I'd say. Makes me squirm whenever I think of it. And I'm a guy.

Double Dildo Dilemma (now that's 3D for ya)

It has come to our attention that while the standard dildo is quite functional in stimulating the female vagina to high levels of arousal and often leading to orgasms given the correct conditions, the double dildo is frequently misunderstood and misused. Of course the standard dildo is very simple to operate. Lube is applied and then the device is rubbed over the clitoral area and stroked into the vagina to maximize the woman's pleasure.

There are many more variables involved with the double dildo making it exceptionally tricky to operate expertly. With multiple vaginae there will be variances in lubrication, vagina size, strength of contractions, depth of canal, angle of entry, etc. These differences will all affect the performance of the double dildo. Unfortunately, if these issues are not addressed properly, we may end up with the unacceptable result of the dildo being essentially locked in one woman's vagina while sliding freely in and out of her partner.

The core of the problem comes down to the difference between static and sliding friction. The "stuck" end of the dildo must overcome the higher static friction while the moving end easily glides given its lower sliding friction. And that's all there is to it, it is the simple laws of physics!

One may rectify the issue by having one partner firmly hold the dildo with their hand. Another option is to choose a rigid dildo as opposed to the flexible variety. According to a double blind study 99.98 percent of women preferred the rigid dildo over the flexible dong. Go figure.

This article is sponsored by the United States Department Investigating Lubricant Dynamics Oversight (USDILDO). "Where there's wetness near, we dare appear without fear."

Penis and Vagina-- Pantie Parade

V: I'm going shopping for some new clothes.

P: What type of clothes?

V: Panties. What else? You knucklehead.

P: Uh, I'm not busy. Maybe I'll tag along.

V: You wish! Actually, I do want something that my boyfriend Ron will like.

P: What better way to get a man's opinion?

V: Okay, you can come. Just no acting like a child please.

P: (I can't believe that worked. This is gonna be great!)

V: What do you think of this pantie P?

P: White, cotton, baggy. Fine for a grandma. Let your wild side loose. Go crazy!

V: All right. No inhibitions. Check this out.

P: Crotchless. Well, that's more revealing. Maybe too revealing.

V: What should I buy then?

P: Here the mesh shows you off just enough to whet a man's desires.

V: Any others?

P: When you're really hot for to get some, this g-string thong should do the trick.

V: Thanks for all your help. You can stop drooling now.

Beautiful Girl

Could you look any sexier girl? Wearing that hot outfit that reveals your delicious body so smartly. Your hair styled to die for and your bright, sparkling eyes gaze into my heart melting my soul. Your heavenly face made up just right steals my breath. Your graceful movements as you pose for me revealing tender curves flashing through dangling fabrics. Your round breasts and perky nipples play against the forgiving, sheer blouse. Those long slender legs dancing out from beneath your skirt. You lie back and a little bit of heaven is exposed for my hungry eyes to devour.

The Only Successful Pick-up Line

Traditionally, when you wanted to meet someone new for sex or maybe even just a little platonic friendship, you would head out to a bar, night club, disco, or such. You sit down and suck on some yummy alcoholic beverages to lubricate your courage as you scour the scene for attractive game. You spot someone and now comes the difficult if not impossible challenge of introducing yourself to them. What's your best pick-up line? "What's your sign?" "Don't I know you from somewhere?" "Do you come here often?" If you manage to actually produce any coherent communication without scaring off your potential companion, you just might get lucky enough to chat for a while or even share a dance. The chances you'll be doing the horizontal mambo-- virtually nil.

Fast forward to modern-day computer-enhanced relationship-building (better known as online dating). Now you can go online and search through an infinite source of adults who are just as interested in getting together as you-- people looking for platonic friendship, sexy email/texting/sexting, phone sex, and sexual encounters. People with profiles detailing all their physical attributes along with their inner fantasies. Naked pictures that show off people's unique personalities. Meet swingers, nudists, exhibitionists, submissives, dominatrixes.. A community with forums and chat rooms to discuss everything of adult interest (sexual and not). Party boards to schedule get-togethers. Daily sex cam shows for all to enjoy. Porn videos and picture galleries to be viewed any time. Porn star interviews for your perusal. No more need for lines like "Are you busy tonight at say 3AM?"

I Have a Dream

I have a dream of a place where there are only young, beautiful, sexy women. There are no men at all, just females exposing their lovely naked bodies. No penises, just bouncing breasts with puffy nipples everywhere.

I have a dream that all vaginae are clean shaved. Pubic hairs have been completely removed revealing clean, succulent pussies for viewing.

I have a dream of these nude vixens playing with themselves and each other sexually for all to see. Girls slipping their fingers and toys in and out of their juicy pussies until they shudder in mind blowing orgasms. Girls licking and playing with each others pink twats.

Penis and Vagina--Lip Augmentation Surgery

V: Should I get an injection or implant.

P: What are you talking about?

V: I'm going to have lip augmentation surgery?

P: Why?

V: Because fuller lips are more attractive.

P: But you already have full lips.

V: Maybe I should get a labiaplasty then.

P: Now you want to reduce your labia?

V: Designer vaginae are very popular.

P: Trust me, your labia are perfect.

V: I guess I'll just get a boob job.

P: Egad!

Returning to Man's Origins

Isn't it ironic that a man's life begins when he exits the birth canal and then he spends his entire adult life trying to reenter it?

Everybody wants to find the most beautiful, perfect vagina, right? Right. I know I'm right. That's why porn is a multi billion dollar industry. Mankind is fascinated with the vagina. The saying goes that men think about sex every thirty seconds on average. Makes one think an employer might be better served hiring female employees who aren't quite so preoccupied. After all, we are being paid for our productive thoughts, not reproductive ones.